Your hands are shaking, your knees are weak, and you feel your heart rate pick up. For most of us, the physical sensation of anxiety right before we give a speech, start a new job, or try something new is an expected experience.
This is a helpful response to some degree—it gets your body physically ready to act by dumping hormones like cortisol and adrenaline into your bloodstream. These physical changes make your mind more focused, your body more attuned to your environment, and your senses heightened. When it comes to giving a good speech or meeting a new person, those are actually helpful responses!
But what happens when your anxiety goes from helpful to problematic? Sometimes our anxiety about social events go into overdrive, and rather than being helpful they make social situations unbearable. That’s social anxiety, and while it can be hard to tell the difference between social anxiety and shyness, there’s definitely a difference. And when it comes to young adults, many factors can increase social anxiety to the point where it negatively impacts your teen’s life.
What is Social Anxiety vs What is Shyness?
The nuances when it comes to the difference between social anxiety and shyness might feel insignificant, but when we look at the actual definitions of both experiences, the difference is profound.
First, let’s talk about shyness. Shyness is a personality trait that we all are born with, some with more and some with less. People who might take a while to warm up to a new social group, avoid the spotlight in a big group, or prefer to watch from the sidelines most of the time are shy.
Of course, reading over that definition might make you think of someone with social anxiety as well, but the big difference is that their shyness doesn’t impact the daily living of a shy person. Sure, they might have a small group of close friends, prefer to stay in and read a book rather than go to a loud concert, but they will still have a vast, content, and happy life. Their shyness doesn’t prevent them from going to significant events, even if they’d prefer to stay home. They can choose to go to a crowded party or a wedding, and while it isn’t their favorite way to spend their time, they can do so with little to no symptoms of anxiety or self-doubt.
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However, a person who has social anxiety will avoid most if not all of the social events they want to attend. They will experience profound internal distress regarding social interactions, and even if they can manage to engage socially, it will cause them anxiety before and after the event. A person with social anxiety will feel shame, exhaustion, and a sense of dread regarding social interactions. A shy person can have social anxiety, but even extroverted people can find themselves with social anxiety.
Causes of Social Anxiety in Young Adults
Social anxiety is a complex mental health condition, and like many mental health conditions, there are likely many factors that contribute to the development of the disease. Of course, to some degree, genetics play a role in just about every component of our lives, so your genetic code might cause you to be more or less likely to have social anxiety. On that same note, your environment and parental role models can contribute to the development of social anxiety. If your parents are very socially anxious and seem to struggle at every social event, your brain will learn the same habits.
Often, social anxiety can exist with generalized anxiety or other mental health conditions that might cause or exacerbate social anxiety. If you are having a depressive episode, every single thing you do might feel like climbing a mountain, even if it’s just brushing your teeth. Add in the pressures and tasks associated with a social gathering, like choosing an outfit, figuring out who to talk to, and finding a topic to talk about, and other stressors, social events might feel insurmountable if you have depression.
Spotting social anxiety in teens and young adults can be challenging for a number of reasons. To some degree, the symptoms of social anxiety might look like normal human development and the process of growing up. For example, your teen being nervous for a presentation they have to give in class might be normal—learning the skill of preparing for and delivering a public presentation is a stressor, especially the first time. But suppose your teen is obsessing over the presentation, practicing over and over, and seemingly can’t think of anything else. In that case, that might be an indication that they are experiencing social anxiety about the presentation.
They might have a change in appetite, sleep patterns, or grades and an indication that they are experiencing social anxiety. They might avoid social events, or make excuses to go to them late or leave early. Maybe they attend social events but seem to avoid interacting with others, or when they do they seem anxious.
How to Help with Social Anxiety
There are many ways to deal with social anxiety in your teen or young adult, but the first step for you as the parent is to approach it with compassion, curiosity, and non judgment. As their parent, you can offer a respite from the intensity of your young adult’s life—be the safe harbor, not the storm.
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Next, make sure there aren’t any physical reasons behind the social anxiety. Get bloodwork, a physical, and any other checkups from medical professionals in your young adult’s life. If all of that comes back clear, it might be time to start seeing a therapist. You’ll want to find someone who your teen connects with—it might seem like the most important part of choosing a therapist is looking at what modalities they will use, but studies continue to show that the relationship between the therapist and the client is the biggest factor in whether or not therapy is successful.
Then, ask the therapist what modalities they will use to treat social anxiety—you will likely hear them mention CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), mindfulness, ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy), and others. Be supportive of your teen. Don’t push them so far that they feel like failure, but provide opportunities for success that match their current capabilities. Be patient, as working through a mental health challenge takes time and encouragement.
Frequently Asked Questions About Social Anxiety and Shyness
How can I tell if I have social anxiety or just shyness?
If you have significant deficits in your life because of your feelings toward social situations, you might have social anxiety. People who are shy usually acknowledge this as a personality trait and live full, happy lives and their shyness doesn’t prevent that. People who have social anxiety are hampered by this anxiety, preventing them from living a full life.
What are the signs of social anxiety in young adults?
Increased withdrawal from social situations, especially those that used to excite your young adult can be a sign of social anxiety. You might notice changes in appetite, activity level, or sleep patterns. Young adults and teens with social anxiety might find difficulty making new friends, or avoid existing friends. If your teen shows any of these signs, take them to get evaluated by a mental health professional.
What are the types of social anxiety?
There are several types, including generalized social anxiety disorder which makes someone anxious about most social situations, and non-generalized social anxiety disorder which is more specific to certain situations, like giving a presentation or a speech. Most types of social anxiety fall into one of these categories.
Can social anxiety lead to depression?
Yes, and depression can lead to social anxiety. If you feel anxious about attending social events, and don’t have tools to deal with the anxiety, eventually you might start to feel depressed.
What causes social anxiety in teenagers?
There are many factors that can cause anxiety in teens, and every case is different. Changing pressures as they grow up, new experiences that make them feel unsure, a history of being bullied or teased, and other factors can cause more social anxiety in teenagers.
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Can social anxiety go away with age?
In theory, it can, but in order to ensure healthy healing, processing social anxiety with a mental health professional is important.
What is the best treatment for social anxiety?
The best treatment for social anxiety for your young adult will be dependent on their specific situation. Most teens will need a combination of therapy, medications, behavioral changes, and parent support to find relief. Therapists will likely engage in several modalities, including CBT and ACT.
How Pure Life Can Help
While social anxiety may seem small, it can have devastating effects on teens and young adults who experience it. They may internalize a sense of shame, not belonging, and being fundamentally flawed. That painful message can have a lifetime impact. That’s why we created Pure Life Adventure—a program meant to understand the complexity and individuality of your young adult’s life, goals, and dreams and then help them find the internal strength to achieve them. Social anxiety might feel like a lifetime sentence, but with the right support, like a therapeutic gap year or our adolescent program could set them up for incredible growth as adults. Find out if Pure Life Adventure is right for your young adult by contacting us or applying today, we can’t wait to see how we can help!
