Identity development is one of the most important developmental tasks humans complete. Setting the stage for strong mental health, success, and healthy relationships are all features of good identity development. The opposite is true when young adults don’t develop a strong identity: poor mental health, low self-esteem, difficulty making progress in life goals, and poor relationships.
With more pressure than ever to curate a perfect identity online, developing a healthy identity in a concrete way might take a backseat. The stakes are high, but with the right information and guidance, you can be a support to your young adult’s successful identity development.
Identity Development
Let’s step back for a moment from our discussion of millennial identity to talk about identity development in general. Personal Identity is the concept of self or the way you see yourself. This might include moral, political, and religious beliefs, association with a particular ethnic, racial, or gender group, or other aspects of life that you think are important to who you are as an individual. There are many theories on the particulars of human identity development, but they tend to agree on the following points:
- Identity is shaped by a combination of internal and external factors. Societal expectations and norms play a large part in the formation of identity.
- Identity development is important because it allows a person to “individuate” (stand out as individuals) and develop a sense of self-worth and importance.
- Identity gives a person a sense of belonging within communities of people with similar identities.
- Personal identity tends to strengthen and become fixed as people get older, although life events can cause a shift in identity at any age.
Identity formation happens in a series of developmental stages. These “psychosocial stages” were first laid out by Erik Erikson in the mid-Twentieth Century. Informed by subsequent psychologists, the stages look something like this: Infancy (0-12 months); Early Childhood (1-3 years); Preschool (4-5 years); School Age (5-12 years); Adolescence (13-19 years); Early Adulthood (20-39 years)
Factors Influencing Identity Development
While we might wish we could choose every influence that might impact young people’s identity development, it simply isn’t possible to expect that we can control what influences impact our kids. At this stage of identity development, young people shift their attention from gaining their parents’ approval to gaining friends’ approval. This is a normal development but can be distressing for parents who still want to influence identity development.
This is a time when young people might “try on” different identities and might be influenced to do so by friends, social media (influencers, forums, etc.), or other technology. In one study, low self-esteem was associated with excessive internet use. This could mean that one factor of identity development, self-esteem, might be lacking when it comes to developing a healthy identity as a young adult.
READ MORE: Social Anxiety or the “Always Embarrassed” Disorder
Identity and Mental Health
Adolescents and young adults must form an identity during this stage of development. It’s the foundation from which they will build the rest of their lives. Young adults don’t need to decide every step, choice, or path right now, but they should have a base value system that correlates with their identity to help them make choices throughout their lives.
Without that strong sense of identity, every decision becomes paralyzing, which then leads to lower self-esteem, which could lead to an “I can’t be a functional adult” identity. Feeling like a failure, especially as a young adult, can lead to a lifetime of mental health struggles, including anxiety and depression.
Emerging Adulthood
Notice the wide range of ages traditionally included in the “Early Adulthood” category. Everyone knows that there is a huge difference between a 20 year-old and a 35 year-old, but for a long time they were lumped into the same developmental category associated with stability, “settling down”, and intimacy. Psychologists didn’t give much credence to young adulthood as a unique stage of life before the early 2000s. Previously, it was assumed that identity development, as well as cognitive development, were mostly established by late adolescence.
Then came Dr. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a developmental psychologist who interviewed 300 young adults (ages 18-29) over the span of five years. One thing he discovered from his persistent questioning– most young adults were still trying to figure out who they were and what they wanted from life. In other words, they were still working to form their identities. Young adults were no longer stable, or “settling down” as Erik Erikson’s model predicted of previous generations. Arnett thought he had discovered a new stage of identity development, specific to more recent generations, that he named “emerging adulthood”. According to him, emerging adulthood, ages 18-30, is a time of:
- Identity exploration
- Instability, living highly unstable/transient lives
- Self-focus
- Feeling “in-between”, not quite a child but not yet an independent and competent adult
- Experiencing a range of possibilities while remaining optimistic about the future
To put that more concretely, young adults today are still figuring themselves out. They are less likely to commit to long-term relationships, choosing instead to focus on their development first. Young adults move a lot, from apartment to apartment, town to town, as they finish college and take their first jobs in the professional world. It is exciting but disorienting and leads to some insecurity.
Today’s young adults still feel very attached to their parents. Many don’t pay all their own bills, and if they can go home for Sunday dinner, they will. These days, moms tend to helicopter over their children’s lives, and dads remain over-protective long into young adulthood. The lack of reciprocal relationships can cause friction between modern-day young adults and their parents. But, deep down, millennials are optimistic that someday they will be successful adults who are not dependent on their parents. But how?
The whole idea behind Erikson’s psychosocial stages is to learn how to move through these stages to develop a sense of unique identity and to ultimately function in a healthier way.
Identity Development in the Digital Age
Technology has added a whole new dimension of complexity to identity development for young adults, especially those who are native technology users. In the past, we defined ourselves by which stickers we put on our folders at school and what bands we listened to, but now, with social media, maintaining an online identity can be a full-time job.
Digital Identity and Social Media
Expressing our identity is part of developing an identity, and social media platforms offer a wide audience to young adults for showcasing different aspects of identity. As native technology users, younger generations tie their real-life identity closely to their online persona, which can be a positive and negative feature of social media use.
The considerable benefits of using social media include creativity, connection, and global access. However, the downside to social media and identity development can not be understated. The pressure to look and act “on brand” all the time is exhausting, and knowing that a social media presence can be scrutinized and commented on 24/7 leads to a baseline sense of anxiety.
TRENDING: Think Screen Time Isn’t Hurting Your Kids?
Finding out that friends are hanging out without you is painful enough, but witnessing the images of the fun they had without you is almost unbearable. Most adults struggle with their relationship with social media, but the stakes and long-term consequences for a still-developing brain are significant.
Online Communities and Peer Influence
Online communities have the potential to be helpful or harmful. The benefit of online communities is the connection to those with similar interests across the world, and that feeling of belonging can’t be understated. However, if those communities have toxic behaviors or beliefs, the opposite is true: they are damaging. Our job as parents is to teach our young adults how to sense if their online community is a healthy, safe environment or not and how to manage interactions within that community.
Overcoming Identity Crisis
Many events and developmental milestones might trigger an identity crisis for a young person. After all, they are making pretty significant decisions as fairly young people: decisions like what career to pursue, what educational opportunities to develop, who to partner with, where to live, and other practical decisions. Add in the possibility of existential questions like “Why are we here?” and “What is my purpose?” and it’s no wonder young adults struggle with identity development.
One of the best ways to build a strong identity is through resiliency and self-efficacy. Resilience is, at its core, the ability to adapt to difficult, challenging, or unexpected situations. When young people have the skill of resilience, they are able to take the unpredictability of life in stride without internalizing a message of failure. For example, a young person with strong resilience will get a job rejection and think, “That’s not what I hoped for, but I will keep applying for jobs, a good fit for me is out there!”. A young adult with low resilience might think, “I knew I wouldn’t get this job because I’m clearly unqualified and will never find a job I like.” The difference is stark: one young adult will keep trying and will experience confidence when they succeed, and the other will internalize failure as an indication they aren’t good enough.
Resilience leads to self-efficacy. To return to our previous example, the young adult with resilience will eventually find a job. When they get the job, they will have proved to themselves that they can achieve their goals when they work hard and stick to it. Believing in our ability to succeed, even in the face of difficulty, is self-efficacy. Through resilience, we learn to believe and trust ourselves. The combination of resilience and self-efficacy leads to a strong sense of identity: “I can do it,” “I have overcome challenges before, and I will do so again,” “Even though things didn’t work out, I’m the kind of person who keeps trying.” All of those messages are foundational to a life of success, self-worth, and strong mental health.
Discover Identity Development: A Downloadable Guide For Parents
Identity development isn’t something we are taught as parents, we have to seek out information on how to support healthy identity development in our young people. That’s why we created a downloadable guide for Identity Development. You don’t have to guess your way through parenting a teen or young adult, we are here to offer concrete information and support.
Find out more about young adult identity development by downloading our guide on the unique aspects of developing identity in today’s world. This guide includes sections like “The In-Between Stage of Identity Development,” “Self-Love When Your Identity Is Different,” “For Parents: The Key Is To Help Not Helicopter,” and much more. Your young adult can develop a healthy identity, and with the right information, you can be a crucial support in that endeavor.