Social anxiety is more common than ever. In fact, 15 million adults were diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) in 2023 alone. With the lingering effects of the pandemic, more technology, and fewer social gathering spaces, culturally, we are becoming more separated from each other. This is especially true for young people raised during a worldwide lockdown with social media as their primary social tool.
Learning how to engage with others and the world is a foundational skill young adults and teens must learn to function in the world, but teaching this skill and managing the anxiety around it is no small feat. We’re here to help you understand social anxiety, its causes, and its treatment for young adults.
How to Recognize the Signs of Social Anxiety in Young Adults
Social anxiety is, technically, diagnosable. In its most extreme forms, people who suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder struggle to leave the house, speak to others, or complete simple daily living tasks that require social interaction (going to restaurants, doctor appointments, etc). Of course, most people with social anxiety don’t suffer from the most extreme forms of social anxiety, meaning that it’s easier to manage, reduce, or even eliminate.
But how do you know if your young adult has problematic social anxiety or if they are just on the shy side? It’s not always easy to tell, but there are some basic signs that your young adult might be struggling with social anxiety. First, remember that everyone has different interest levels and bandwidth for social interaction. It’s important not to pathologize needing more alone time, preferring small group gatherings, or opting for a quiet night in rather than a raucous party. Those are preferences, likely built on personality traits like introversion. But if you have social anxiety, your preferences aren’t driving your desire to avoid social situations; anxiety is.
You know it’s anxiety rather than a preference when thinking about the event that causes emotional and physical distress, which then leads to behavioral changes. For example, if you are just shy or an introvert when you open up a wedding invitation, you might have a small trill of anxiety about the event, but you will also have some excitement and not too much distress. If you have social anxiety and you open a wedding invite, you will have physical sensations like sweating, dilated pupils, shakiness, and shallow breathing. You might also notice emotional changes, like increased panic, sadness, worry, and even anger at the thought of a wedding.
Finally, you’ll notice behavioral changes due to the emotional and physical changes. This is where you will likely notice the biggest changes in your young adult. Specifically, you’ll see avoidance of social gatherings, increased moodiness, changes in sleep or appetite, anger when you bring up social events, staying in the corner during social events, increased time alone after and before social events, and even avoidance of the things your teen enjoys, whether those things are social or not.
Four Proven Approaches to Treating Social Anxiety
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Social Anxiety
CBT is what mental health practitioners call an evidence-based intervention, meaning decades of studies, trials, and papers prove this intervention’s efficacy. At its core, CBT is about changing our thoughts, which then impacts our behavior. For example, if a young adult is struggling with social anxiety and they get a text from a friend inviting them to a party. Their first thought might be, “I can’t go because no one really likes me, and I am too ugly, and I don’t have anything to wear, and who will I talk to…” and on and on.
We’re all pretty familiar with that pattern, right? CBT teaches skills to help prevent that thought spiral from spinning out of control. One intervention used in CBT is challenging the thoughts—so a therapist would ask the young adult, “What evidence do you have that no one likes you?” and then proceed to go through, step by step, the veracity of the statement. This helps our brains understand that our automatic thoughts (the first thoughts we have because of years of training our brains to think a certain way) are not necessarily true and that we can challenge those thoughts.
2. Exposure Therapy
CBT is what some mental health professionals call a “top-down” approach, meaning we start in the brain to change our thoughts, which then signals to our bodies that we are safe and we can change our behavior. Exposure therapy is the opposite—it is a “bottom-up” intervention. By exposing our nervous system to distressing stimuli (in this case, social situations), we teach our bodies that the distressing stimuli will not harm us. The body shows the mind that the person is safe through exposure and utilizing previously discussed coping skills like mindfulness. This, especially in conjunction with CBT, can be a very effective way to manage social anxiety.
3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques
Social anxiety is anxiety—so learning how to manage the physical sensations of distress that occur during social situations is imperative for success in managing social anxiety. By learning mindfulness skills, people with social anxiety can bring calm to themselves no matter the circumstance. Mindfulness isn’t just sitting still, eyes closed, soothing music, and no outside distractions. In fact, mindfulness is a skill to be used throughout the day, especially during distressing situations. By cueing into what is presently happening instead of what has happened and what could happen, we signal to our brains that we are safe. Being present shows our brains and body that we are safe enough to relax.
4. Group Therapy for Social Anxiety
It might seem like a bit of a contradiction, but group therapy for social anxiety is an effective way to manage it, especially for young adults. Groups offer the peer-to-peer support that young adults with social anxiety struggle to create on their own. They also create a normalization of social anxiety, which shows young adults that they aren’t alone in their anxiety. Groups also create opportunities for exposure therapy in a safe space with trained professionals to support any big emotions or reactions to the social situation.
Finally, groups are amazing for young adults and teens with social anxiety because of their developmental stage. These years of development are focused on building independence, trusting more in your friend’s opinions than your parents, and developing identity. Groups provide healthy spaces for young adults to achieve all those developmental milestones.
Help with Social Anxiety: Self-Help Tips for Young Adults
Now that we understand social anxiety and the proven techniques to deal with social anxiety, we have a list of actionable tasks your young adult can try to manage their social anxiety.
- Breathing. We underestimate the importance of breathing, how we breathe, how often we take deep breaths, and how crucial it is to help our bodies feel safe. There are tons of resources out there for deep breathing exercises, and it’s a matter of finding a few that work for your young adult. Try a few out!
- Positive Affirmations. Our brains are computers, at least in the sense that we can literally rewire them by putting the right “codes” in. Affirmations are codes that tell our brain messages and support our growth.
- Simplify. Break down the social event into smaller parts and deal with each part alone. Start with the preparation for the event, traveling to the event, small talk, plan out who is a “safe person” at the event and stick with them, then plan your exit from the event.
- Journal. You deserve to see your progress and any patterns that come up. By journaling, you can more accurately reflect on your triggers, successes, and useful tools for managing social anxiety.
- Social Skills. Learning social skills doesn’t stop when our kids turn five and go to kindergarten. In fact, adults have a completely new set of social skills they must engage to feel confident in social situations, like small talk, recalling details about others, engaging and ending conversations, talking to someone new, talking to someone you don’t particularly like, etc. Learning these skills takes time (and mistakes), so be gentle with yourself and your young adult.
- Professional support. Sometimes even the best efforts need a little support. Seeking professional support and even medication to manage social anxiety, especially if it is particularly distressing or other interventions haven’t worked, is a sign of strength, caring, and love for your young adult.
Ready to Overcome Social Anxiety? Here’s How We Can Help
We know that raising teens and young adults isn’t straightforward – in fact, it’s complicated. Adding in the complexity of social anxiety makes parenting your young adult even more challenging and isolating. Remember, your young adult likely wants to stop being socially anxious, but they don’t have the skills yet.
That’s why finding professional support can be crucial to finding success for young adults with social anxiety- you might not know how to teach those skills. It’s okay. That’s why programs like ours, Pure Life Adventure, exist. We help young adults and teens find their footing in social situations, teach them emotional regulation, and engage in CBT and exposure therapy, all in the beautiful rainforest of Costa Rica.
Our program focuses on the individual needs and goals of each young adult, and social anxiety is a prominent issue we help young adults overcome. Find out if your young adult or teen could benefit from Pure Life Adventure by contacting us today!
